Am I paranoid or just negative?

So for any eyes that see this and know the people in it - KEEP IT TO YOURSELF FOR NOW.

So I'm getting concerned about the way Dani's handling this wedding business. The engagement itself, the planning process, everything. I feel like she can't make any decisions on her own, I feel like she got swept up into the whole thing.

I love Cliff. He's the best boyfriend Dani's ever had, in the way that he treats her. She's like his princess. What scares me is the way she has become. I mentioned before, she's clingy. When we all used to go out and play darts, if they weren't actively throwing a dart, they were standing with their arms around each other. The bar is like the size of someone's living room, if you sneeze in the bathroom, you could spray germs on the dartboard, yet they walked each other to the bathroom and waited outside the door for each other. We're at a Seether concert and everyone's jumping around, they're holding onto each other for dear life.

And then the personal things with me. I used to invite her to Ying's every week to see Erik play, she turned me down, claiming not to like that bar. She started dating Cliff, and that's his regular bar too, and she was there constantly with him. Several times, I've asked her and she turns me down, then I go, and see her there with Cliff. I pretended not to see her. Then there was the time she was late picking me up for dinner, because she'd been on the phone with him for an hour. Then when she did pick me up, we stopped by the Shamrock because she had to go see him, making us even later... and then after dinner (which she inhaled), she went home and he went over there. So, even though he was coming over and spending the night, she still had to talk to him all that time and then go see him, inconveniencing me.

Then something I mentioned once before, when she made some condescending comment about the time Miranda and I spent with theRev, making us sound like some kind of groupies instead of a couple girls hanging out with their friends, who just happen to be in a band.

Anyway... onto the marriage thing.

In December, Dani said something to me about Cliff's friends always complaining he never has any money. She didn't understand it, because he was always paying bills on time, paying for her when they went out. The friends said, well, whenever we all go out, he never goes because he says he has no money. I said, Dani, you dumbass. He's obviously saving up for something, probably a ring. She doesn't believe me. Several days later, he does go out with the guys, gets a little drunk, and when he comes home to her house, as he's falling asleep, starts asking about jewelry. Does she like silver or gold? Rings with one stone or a bunch? Etc. She tells me, I'm like, DUH! So she says, I don't know how I feel about being engaged yet, that's a big deal, we've only been together for just under a year and a half (previous boyfriends 1 and 2 were four years each). I ask her if they've ever talked about it; she says, not seriously. I advise her to have that talk.

Christmas Eve, Cliff proposes. She says yes. I can't blame her, I imagine it's really hard to say no. But they still haven't actually talked about marriage, and she says they'll just have a long engagement, at least a year before they even start planning for a wedding.

New Years Eve, Dani informs me the wedding is in November. January 3, she tries to take me shopping for bridesmaid dresses. I talk her out of that, telling her that me and the bridesmaids all want to lose weight before the wedding, will make more sense to shop later, especially since we aren't getting dresses at like a bridal shop, where they can easily alter them. We're trying to find nice cocktail dresses at like JCPenney or something. Also, everythng that's out now is for Summer. It'll make more sense to wait for Fall stuff.

She just wanted a small wedding. 100 people, tops. It'd be mostly family, because between her and Cliff, they've kept the same close group of friends, and 6 of us are in the wedding, which narrows that down. There are probably only 15 more to go on the friends list, then the rest is family.

Now the guest list is at 200 and growing. I might also add that neither one of them can really afford this, which is why she originally wanted to wait.

Now she's booked the reception hall and all that, she found a dress - and was astounded and disgusted that it cost $600. I was like, how much do you think wedding gowns cost? You're lucky to have found something like this for 6. But I digress... now she's looking at cakes, and flowers. She's constantly sending me pics of cakes, or flower arrangements, asking which one I like. I ask her which one she likes. She'll tell me, then emphasize that she wants to know which one I like. So if I'm too tired to argue, I'll tell her, but most of the time, I just tell her, It doesn't matter which one I like, it's her wedding. If she goes with all the cakes and flowers I like, then she's having my wedding. She even asked me what her color theme should be. WHATEVER YOU WANT IT TO BE! She was like, well I live navy, but we can do purple, because you like that. Dani. This is your wedding. My wedding, should I ever have one, will be purple themed, believe that, but this is yours. If you want navy, we'll have navy. If you like this cake, get it. It doesn't matter if I hate it, we're not even eating this one. If you want roses, have roses. I hate roses, I like lillies, that's why at my wedding, we'll have lillies, but this is your wedding. You and Cliff have to like it, not me. I'm all about giving her opinions and showing her new ideas, but at the end of the day, I want her to pick what she wants, regardless of what I like.


So... I've realized that somewhere along the line, since dating Cliff, she became a total pushover. She can't say no to anyone. She'll be at work (Verizon Customer Service Rep), and she'll be halfway out the door, ready to go home, when a Sales guy, who's in the middle of a transaction, and is scheduled to leave at the same time, will ask her to stay and finish with the customer... and she'll do it. This guy is not her boss. He has no authority over her, but she'll take off her coat and get behind the counter, and finish. And now she can't make her own decisions about her own wedding. Which concerns me is this:

I feel like she's been a pushover about the whole wedding. To go from I don't even want to be engaged yet to getting married in less than a year... it's blowing my mind. I feel like she's just giving in to whatever anyone, including Cliff, wants.


I already wrote my maid of honor speech - which I'll probably have to edit, I used damn twice, and that's another thing, all of a sudden she's all puritanical. Char, Dani, and I were at applebees once, talking about sex and stuff. No one's around us, and she asks me about this guy I hooked up with a couple years ago, but she dropped her voice all low, like we were 11 years old talking about dirty stuff, and looked around to see if anyone heard. It was like, "What about that guy *looks around* that you hooked up with from high school?"


And what sucks the most is I actually can't wait to get this wedding over with, because of the pressure it will take off me. For the past year and a half, maybe two years, the idea of giving up the friendship has been floating around in my head, but the fact that we've been friends for almost 13 years has kept me in it. However, I think I'll be of the hook after the wedding, because I've been getting the feeling that she's one of those people who thinks your spouse is the only person you're allowed to hang out with, all the time. Even if you're going out with your friends, your hubby has to come too.

Why do I think this? Because:

When Charlene got married, we were thinking of taking a road trip somewhere. Dani said, yeah, it'll be the last one we'll be able to take together. Char was like, uh, no.

Whenever Char wants to go out, just us girls, Dani's all shocked that Fred's not coming too. Um, what part of 'just us girls' isn't she getting?

When Serena and I meet up at a bar, this also surprises Dani. "Where's Mike?" With his friends at another bar. "Really?" And then on the occasions that it's Serena and Mike and me, Dani's like, "Just the three of you? That's weird."

So, I think from here on out, if Dani goes anywhere, Cliff comes too (it's already pretty much been that way), and it's gonna be that situation where no single women are allowed. It's all couples-only dinner parties from now on.




*Sigh*



So, in conclusion... am I being paranoid about her pushover ways? Should I be happy she wants my input, or am I right in telling her that it's her decision? and... Am I a bad person for looking forward to not hanging out with her after the wedding?