Glutton for Punishment?

So... I've always wondered if there's such a thing as a 'glutton for emotional punishment' and if I fell into that category... Gods knows I'm a glutton for exhaustion, seeing as how that obnoxious alarm is going off in less than 4 hours & I gotta deal with Mitch the Wonder CNA who thinks he knows my job better than I do. STAY OUT OF MY DAMN FRIDGE!

I digress. Anyway, a glutton for emotional punishment. I don't think there's anyone who exhibits this behavior (wow that felt like an intro to abnormal psych paper - and I wrote some SWEET ab-psych papers) forever, or even intentionally, but I know there are a lot of people who just... become this way.

Let's look at D, for instance. D was so in love with N, or in love with the idea of being in love with N that D just kept going back, despite the fact that N's drug use was never going to stop. D would set ultimatum after ultimatum; 'it's either me or the drugs', and every time, N would choose the drugs, but D would go nowhere, thus assuring N that D's threats were emptier than N's head.

And then there's me. Dude was exactly what I wanted, what I needed, what I'd been looking for. A year ago. Then Dude either became someone else, or revealed to me that a year ago he was an amazing actor. I still don't know. I'm still nuts about Dude, and it doesn't help that now that I've decided I'm done with him, now that I no longer look for signs, I no longer interpret words or actions, we get along better than ever. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? But this is my point. Katy Perry wrote Hot & Cold about Dude. And every other week when I would get frustrated and give up, I KNEW he would say or do something to reel me back in and that I should just ignore it, I'd let myself fall for it.

And the cycle would continue.

So now here's the thing. At one point, Dude said something to a friend of mine about how he never considered me as a girlfriend, I was always just a friend to him (which, by the way, is such bullshit, because no friend of mine has ever grabbed my ass in a bar as much as he has, or picked me up and wrapped my legs around his waist as much as he has, or kept my drink from ever being empty). Now... had I been smart, I would have taken that statement to heart, and been like, well, Dude is a tool, I'm not wasting any more time on this. But, glutton for emotional punishment... why not keep hoping that this is the day he realizes that I'm not the psychotic bitch she was and I'll actually be good for him. Today is the day. Today will definitely be the day. He'll call tonight and tell me he's been so stupid. When I see him tonight he's going to realize it. And so on and so forth.

However, I broke out of that crisis, and I'm thinking other people should do the same. He, whether intentionally or not, gave me a way out with that outright lie (okay, so while I'm done with him, I'm obviously not over it) about not having any feelings towards me. He gave me a big blinking sign indicating an exit ramp, half a mile ahead, but I stayed on the thruway.

LISTEN TO ME: LEARN FROM MY MISTAKE & FOLLOW DIRECTIONS.

While the two situations are nowhere near alike, specifically, never were the people in the upcoming situation dating, as opposed to Dude & I... I think the people involved in the forthcoming example can learn from this.

Person A likes Person B. Person B loves A to death, definitely, but clearly not in the way Person A wants. Now, Person B can argue that the friendship they feel for A is far more valuable than a fleeting romantic involvement, but I don't think A will see it that way. They'll learn eventually. I did. I'd much rather have Dude in my life as my best friend, because that's what we've become, than lose him down the road as an ex. Anyway, back to A & B. For a variety of reasons, B will never see A in the way A wants. B has been through so much in their life, experienced so much, emotionally, physically, mentally, that B is basically much older than their actual age. A...hasn't experienced anywhere near as much, thus making them seem much younger than their actual age. Now, I know age doesn't mean much, and both A & B know that, but in comparison, their age gap is magnified by their life experiences. What looks on paper to be merely a couple years difference, is more like ten when everything factors in.

This is how it was with Dude and I. But it worked out: He had things in his life that made seem much older than me. Things he'd done, things he'd tried. On the other hand, there were things I'd been through that gave me an older edge. Then we have similar experiences. Half-siblings. Sig others that we thought we wanted to marry. Being the oldest in the immediate family but being in the middle or one of the babies once all the sibs were taken into account. So in the end, we only have a couple years difference in reality and mentally.

Going back to A & B. Emotionally, mentally, B had ten some years on A. A... frankly, has little to no chance with B, and life experience is a big reason why. They get along, which is always awesome in any relationship, be it platonic or romantic, and they have interests/hobbies in common, but B has nothing to relate to A on. And it kind of gets on B's nerves when A is constantly lobbying for a spot on the roster. Or getting possessive. That part was cute for a long time, but then it reached a point where it was like who the fuck are you? B hung out with a friend of the opposite sex and A was like, you sure spend a lot of time with that person, using the tone of voice that a sig other would use to let their partner know they were jealous/uncomfortable with the amount of time they were spending with said friend of opposite sex.

The kicker being, 1. A is not a sig other. 2. B would never tolerate that kind of behavior from a sig other anyway.

Now I know I'm completely off-topic (T minus 3:15 till obnxious alarm) so let me try to get back on it...Okay: A had brought up their feelings for B many times, and B, like Dude did for me, posted exit sign after exit sign, however, while Dude's may not have been intentional for me, B's were 100% intentional for A. B would never just come right out and say to A, hey, just give it up, because B's been on the receiving end of that message and it sucks. B has never even outright broken up with anyone, they've just stopped talking to them until they got the point. So B chooses roundabout ways to get the message across, which is why they give A so many ways out.

To summarize: B needs to learn to be more direct, and A needs to get off the thruway at the next available exit and stop being a glutton for emotional punishment. Mostly because B is interested in someone, and thankfully it's not the person they've been tortured by in the past; it is someone new. This person is someone who's achieved some amazing goals and has the kind of life experience B likes. Personally, I have high hopes for B & this new person, because B needs a change. This new person will not only break B free of the same circle they've been in for years, but will expose B to new people, new things, and I would love to see B have that. They need it.

Anyshizz, I really need to go. Three hours till hell begins. BUT! I wanted to mention that today was Char's birthday. Well, technically speaking it was yesterday, but if you were with my new nephew right now, it would still be Char's birthday. That's right, I said nephew. We finally have a baby! Miranda had Jason on Saturday night. He's teeny, and I'm waiting on more pictures. I can't wait to have enough money to go visit. And speaking of Miranda, happy early birthday to her, Since her's is on Friday (just a friendly reminder for our friends who seem rather brain-washed as of late, our birthdays go: Tricia, Dawn, skip 2 weeks, me, Joe, Mike, skip a week, Char, Miranda. Don't act all surprised when I tell you we're going out for any of them next time...but that's another topic for another day). Back to the point. Happy Early Birthday to Friday birthday babies Miranda and my future hubby, Bills middle linebacker Paul Posluszny, who is extra cool not only because he shares a birthday with the rockingest chick ever, but because he's actually and intelligent Pollock (and douse the flaming now, cuz I too am a Pollock. Just not as much as my Grandma, haha), who graduated from Penn State a semester early with a degree in Finance (not the bullshit communications degree all the UB football players 'earned') and a GPA of 3.6. For Christ's sake, even my cumulative GPA after 6 years was only 3.5, and we all know how many people I managed to get through college.

Alright. I'm going for real now. Estimated sleep to be had tonight: 2 hours 34 minutes. If I can just make it till my 10:00 Starbucks run, I'll be fine (Curse you Sara, for the addiction. I even have the exact change ready. $3.37 Grrr). Or, if the Wonder CNA can't keep everyone else in line and I have a severely late day, I'll brew my own tea and break out the the blender, some lemon juice, and some sugar and MacGuyver my own damn black tea lemonade. Bitches.